Everything is like something.

Basically the question I am pondering as I work on my first blog entry is: why blog?

Well, I want to.

I wanted to long, long ago but haven't yet (until today!) and I basically therapize (red underline, I see you and choose to ignore you because I like that word and people know what I mean, made up or not) in emails with people who, like me, love getting intensely real in email and then just hitting send. Soon, someone you don't know well knows some real stuff about you and you're bonded- the mere experience helps me figure stuff out. I have grown some amazing relationships through my willingness to write (including but not limited to my romantic relationship). Naturally, blogging might have happened long ago.

I did have a friend who said she would make fun of me mercilessly if I blogged. A few years later I realize she wasn't a great friend anyway (and how silly this all sounds for a grown woman to say) and I will probably blog about this in many forms over the course of my blog-life but it's a reason I didn't start.

Maybe I missed the boat. Or I was afraid I did? Maybe I didn't want to band wagon the blog thing? Whatever the reason, today will be my first post.
And then it's ON.

I do have a plan and it goes like this.

Tell my stories. When I was a little girl, I daydreamed about someday telling the story that it seemed no one would believe. That dream is little different now. I have therapized (twice, one post- I'm committed to this word) through email, I have been to therapy and the entire book writing process seems different now. Maybe if I had been writing all along, I could recapture the process, which I think is where the real story lies. Since I have kind of been doing so in a series of notebook and journals, I'll draw on them to blog and then altogether here I'll either have some memoir or at least something organized.
Either way, it will get out of my head and I will undoubtedly learn a thing or two.

Analyze. I like to ponder how running is like life. And how much it can help life. The same goes for yoga in a different albeit similar way. Both of these things motivate me and make me think. How does the yoga teacher seem to choose topics and words-of-the-day that completely somehow mirror what is going on in my life and how these epiphanies sometimes change my day, my mood of my entire being.

Write lists. I love lists. So here's a little list- I love lists, I love running (let's clarify- I love to run and I love the sport - everything about running from elite, famous runners to talking about it to doing it) and I love yoga (again, let us clarify- I love practicing yoga, thinking about yoga, challenging myself, getting into new poses, the peace that comes from my own poses and abilities, the community, the abounding love, joy and intention of yoga. I love yoga.) I am so tempted to write a list of things I love right now but that can wait.

I am currently pondering the juxtaposition of my intentions and choices (to run, practice yoga, be a thoughtful and loving parent and partner) and the things life thrusts upon me (an actively using, alcoholic mother, a father I have almost no contact with, a sister I have a facebook and emergency situation only relationship with, a pretty decent stretch of relationships which ended in infidelity) and I am trying to make sense of it all. I want to be intentional. I know I can learn a lot from the world and the people I meet and from running, yoga, blogging. I know I can be better. And I really, really want to be better.

My ongoing quest and intentions are to be : generous, grateful, gracious and kind.
And from this point on, I will blog.